Except that at 50, he will still be able to date and marry a younger woman much easier than she will be able to date. He could even have another family if he wanted.

I’m not making a moral judgement either way, just saying that his life is not ending because he’s being left, and her ending a marriage she has been unhappy in for 31 years is not throwing him under the bus.

I object to the charge of selfishness. It’s common, but misplaced. People seem to think of marriage and relationships only in terms of time investment, etc. I have to wonder though, isn’t it more self preservation?

She’s stayed in an unhappy marriage for 31 years out of obligation. She’s put far more into it than she’s gotten out of it, emotionally. Her children have left the nest. Other than them, the investment is one of anxiety, depression, increasing despair, and the withering of self more than time. So who’s really the selfish one? The spouse who stays to keep the family stable, sacrificing their own happiness till the kids are grown and then leaves rather than spend their last years fighting depression and perhaps suicidal ideation or the spouse who sits by in comfort and ease while watching their supposedly beloved spouse drown rather than engaging and doing their fair share or more of the relationship work so that their partner can thrive? Hmm?

Long term depression and unhappiness is not normal or natural. It should not be discounted so flippantly. One person should not have to shoulder the burden of making a relationship work, otherwise it should not be assumed that it means so much to the other one. If it did, they’d choose to be present. They’d choose to do more than just the bare minimum. They’d not want to be their partner’s regret or someone their partner settled for.