Elder care of in laws and grandparents too, in lieu of male relatives who are their actual children.

I got this a few times as a young woman and you can feel used, especially if the caretaking becomes the ONLY part of your relationship.

I had my daughter at 33 and I’m a single mom. I haven’t saddled anyone with her care long term and not without compensation of some kind. Even my mother.

It’s been all me.

None of her male relatives have ever even offered with the exception of my dad.

Though to be co.pletely truthful that is not just because of my own experience childhood friends and coworkers who became parents in their 20s or the on again, off again friendships between dating. The other reason was because I wanted to do things different with my own kid and as a single parent, I could. But people also assume because they lean on you through all the own truffles that gives them the right you critique, questions and harangue you about yours and not respect your boundaries.

One thing in particular, I still get flak over. My decision to not carry or manage the parental relationship between my daughter and her father. If he wanted to be part of her life, then he would do the work. I would not lie to her, gaslight her, or cover for him in any way when he wanted to dodge out on a visit.

My Urchling and I are tight. Their kids resent them and scream at them because they lied and gaslighted.

So glad I protected those boundaries and stuck to my guns.