Drugging, getting her too drunk to say no or resist, grooming, initiating sex while she's sleeping and then claiming you didn't hear the no or were incapable of stopping once she woke up, threat of violence (physical intimidation), badgering her till she relents, pretend to be being g playful (horseplay as foreplay) then get rough and pin her down, ignore a withdrawn consent after you have violated boundaries.

That kind of thing.

As you can see, there's some overlap there. Some of those use both a direct threat of violence and coercion. Also, it's in how they're perceived.

Here's a specific example that's becoming more common. Guy dates a woman and wants to get intimate. She likes him but wants an exclusive relationship. He's into kink, especially choking, which he has been titillated by off of porn.

She's not. She explicitly says she's not down for being choked. He says that's cool but that she would like it if she tried it because all women do. It makes you high. He grooms her over this for some time while they're dating.

Eventually she marginally agrees that if she trusted aomeone enough she might try it after they've been together a while just to get him to ahit up because they're in a public place and he's getting embarrassingly loud. She doesn't want to make a scene.

He atarts pushing for sex harder. She reiterates that she wants a relatio ship first so she can trust him. He states that he can't trust her enough to commit without sex first because he needs to know she's his ride or die. He says he really wants a relationship so he hooes she'll change her mind. Dangling that carrot.

He takes her to a club where he i produces her to some friends as his girlfriend. And he starts plying her with drink.

He takes her home. He starts getting randy. She's too intoxicated to fend him off well. He dangles that carrot again. She doesn't say no, but she doesn't quite say yes too.

Theyre suddenly in the bedroom and he's on top of her. He tells her how much he wants her and how much he's been looking forward to this.

She relents.

He slaps her hard across the face to shock and subdue her. He tells her he's going to choke her and fuck her and she's going to love it because she's his now.

She says nothing.

Is this rape, forced sex, coercion, or manipulation?

Answer. It's a buffet of all four.

That was gross.

But it does sgow how these gaming tactics tend to feed off each other. Ut a lot of the milder stuff before the assault actually occurs, you get gaslit about left, right, and sideways.

It was a misunderstanding. It's just a hypothetical discussion (witness the irony there). He was just asking. He's just shooting his shot. You can always say no.