Doubtful. Not at 8 years old. At 8 years old, she’s parroting what she hears at home. This is what’s she’s being schooled about from her family.

I’ve no doubt that racial motivations didn’t eventually become a part of it, because that’s part of the patriarchy. I hope she eventually got to a place where she can begin to deconstruct.

I’m also terribly sorry that you became the focus of her attention in that way. I’m also not trying to gaslight you or diminish the hurt you felt. Many of my Indigenous friends have felt the same, about wanting to be white. My purpose is to hopefully help you heal and move on from it. I don’t know if it will or not, but maybe realizing that as an 8 year old she couldn’t have been as aware of racial constructs. At 6 to 8, you’re just starting to notice. Mostly, you’re parroting everything your family and close community believes. You don’t understand what it all means and boils down to. Not yet.

Clearly, her family had some pretty defined definitions of what women should be and she was being heavily indoctrinated into gender stereotypes and how to perform femininity. From the sound of it, it had to have been pretty relentless for her at home.

Maybe some sympathy for her will lead you to a place where you can set all that BS aside and not carry it anymore. All the scrutiny from your friend clearly affected your own self esteem growing up, but maybe realizing she was just parroting can help you restore whatever self esteem you might have lost from the scrutiny of not “doing womanhood right" and “not being white enough".

Your skin, your culture, your clothes and hair….you’re beautiful because you’re you. You don’t need more than what you are to be beautiful.

All my best. Keep writing. You’re talented.