Did she offer to pay for yours though? Did she realize she was on a date?

The important part is the offer. But you also can't force someone.

Let's look at an example.

I ask a guy out on a date. Becauee I ask him, I'm hosting. We go to a $50 a meal restaurant. Not top tier, but pretty nice. I'm expecting a bill of around $150-$175, including drinks and tip, maybe dessert.

Because I set up the date, he didn't get to choose the venue. That may be too much for his budget, even half of the full bill.

This is where hosting rules come into play. I asked him, he had no say in regards to the venue and the financial outcome, ergo...it's my responsibility to make sure he's not put out by me being extravagant after he was nice enough to agree to go out on a date with me.

And I don't know how much he's already had to shell out for babysitters, taxi, getting a suit cleaned, maybe buying new clothes or shoes, etc.

So when the waitress comes around and brings us water and whatever is in the appetizer basket (usually some kind of bread), I ask for a few minutes and I'll accept the bill.

The waitress leaves us with the menu.

Thrn I say to my date something along the lines of, "I don't get to splurge much since i became a patent so this is a big deal for me. I've had some success recently worthy of the celebration. Thank you so much for sharing this night for me. Shall we start with a wine or champagne?"

Okay. In one fell swoop I have checked the following:

Cemented my obligation to host.

Made it clear that he need not worry about running up a bill and being stuck with it.

Thanked him for his time.

Made it clear that this is a treat and to not expect to be wined and dined on every date. I won't be used by a gold digger. (Yes, there are male gold diggers and hobosexuals)

Boom. There you go. The rules have been met. It's as easy as that.

Now we're off to secondary rules, which is where most of your comment lay.

He can refuse my gift of hosting, in part or in whole. That is his right and does not reflect on me in any way. Let's say he wants to refuse in while. Not that it matters, but for context his reasoning is he was raised very conservative and believes men should be financially responsible in all cases and he feels emasculated or whatever.

So he tells the waitress to leave the bill with him and to me says something along the lines of, "Thank you for the offer, but I wasn't raised to accept handouts from women. I insist on paying."

And in one fell swoop, he's checked the following.

Politely (more or less) declined my intent to host.

Accepted the obligation to host for himself.

Let me know some things about his attitude, like that he's not the type to be amenable much or with good grace.

Let's say he wants to decline in part....

He'll say to the waitress, "actually, can we split the ticket?"

To me, he'll say something along the lines of, "Thanks so much for inviting me and congratulations on your boon. I'm so excited to share this celebration with you. I've had some bad experiences dating so I have a boundary now about going dutch. I hope you don't mind."

And boom. There we have it. In one fell swoop, he's:

Thanked me for the honor.

Declined in part with grace.

Assured me that his reason is for his comfort and not a slight or a dig on me. Again, with grace.

Given me an opportunity to really step up and begin cultivating something worth having. Amongst other things, this is an opportunity to demonstrate awareness of someone else's experience and my own trustworthiness.

It's also a chance to start developing some attraction sustainability and some common pleasant history which will lead to feelings of fondness about time spent with someone instead of anxiety and work.

The entire world opens up when we ditch the transactional mindset and develop a cultivator's mindset.

And that's why we have....Rules.