Coupla things…

Never, ever ever have I needed a man to enable or allow me to “feel my femininity.” Things that do/have:

• Brushing my hair
• Stretching when I wake up in the morning
• The way my legs slide against each other when I walk the dog at a good pace
• Giving birth
• Being pregnant
• The fact that I am my dog’s favorite pillow and was my child’s before she got too big
• My breasts
• Earrings (most of the others should be fairly obvious, I think this one’s just personal weirdness on my part)
• The physical sensation of water or wind on my person
• Nature, in particular plant growth
• Holding something or someone in my hands, care, caress
• Standing up for others

You’ll notice there’s nothing of men in the above. That’s not a bash on men or masculinity, it’s because ‘divine’ femininity and female sexuality ARE NOT THE SAME THING. I think conflating the two in this false equivalency is both dangerous spiritually and socially because it lessens us as full human beings.

The fact is, regardless of how we are born we all spiritually house the divine masculine and feminine within us. So to be full human beings, we should feel both depending on circumstance. This is when I feel more of that divine masculinity:

• When I sweat from work
• Mindless activity while not thinking about anything in particular
• Riding bikes with my daughter
• The pragmatic way I do certain things, focusing on unnecessary over the top efficiency
• My musculature (I’m stocky) and it’s association with power
• Standing up for myself
• Joking around with my daughter — we’ve become quite adept at body humor
• Practices of stoicism
• Fighting (I don’t start stuff, but people don’t always show the same courtesy. I have been attacked and I have responded.)
• Working with my hands, the feel of tools
• Motorcycles (more personal weirdness on my part though maybe it’s the association with freedom)

Again, none of these things have anything to do with sexuality in general.

The fact is, ideals of masculinity and femininity vary widely across cultures and they change over time, suggesting they are more or less fashionable, like clothing. So maybe instead of wearing ridiculous looking versions of the perfect ‘ideal of the season' as a man or a woman, we should focus on more on wearing the full regalia of a human being.

And leave discussions of sexuality where they belong—in conversations about that and not in ones about how we fit in our skins.

Then maybe we’ll be better placed to find mates and friends that complement where are on this spiritual spectrum because we won’t be hung up on the wrong things.