But not without consequence.

Despite his story of Samantha, in all honesty, how many women could do that without blowing up their marriages and wrecking their families? Very few. How many men? Frankly, for most people, even asking to open a marriage opens a path to divorce because it breaks a perceived trust. Plus you’ve told them they’re not enough. If they say no and you agree to keep the marriage closed, they’re going to be suspicious and paranoid about infidelity from there on out. They may even have their own affair because they’ll assume you are regardless.

Further, for a lot of people, especially people who live in small communities that are not particularly open minded … you don’t want that getting out. I grew up around evangelical purity culture and even though I wasn’t part of that faith, I can tell you there would have been social consequences because over half of everyone else was. It’s next to impossible to keep these things private long term. And because “ungodly” liaisons are so taboo, there’s that added impetus to get up into everybody’s business on two fronts — to police faithfulness and to live vicariously through those brave enough to seek those carnal desires.