Believe it or not, I give everyone, male or female, the benefit of the doubt unless they are caught on tape (Mel Gibson, Christian Bale, Peter Jackson), they’ve admitted poor behavior themselves but in a way that exalts it with disregard to who they hurt (Amber Heard, Brian Warner, Tiger Woods) or a pattern of behavior is established (Katherine Heigl, Joss Whedon). So I’m not giving Marti Noxon a hard pass, she just doesn’t meet my criteria for calling out … yet. If a pattern of behavior is established my assessment will change.
I also don’t go looking for this stuff. I’m not on social media unless you count Medium as social media because I hate social media with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. That is not hyperbole. Fiery passion. A thousand suns. I find few redeeming qualities in it and sincerely believe it causes many.more problems than it solves but do not judge others who do not feel the same way. It’s also true that a lot of those problems are because of the people using it, how they’re using it, and their indolence to learning how to operate it better.
I find it hard to ignore completely though. I can’t do it like I used to, standing in line at the supermarket carefully keeping my eyes forward and down so I don’t accidentally see the trash rags. There’s a story there but I won’t bore you. It’s everywhere. Frankly, what lay people like you and me say and think about is often far more interesting than the source itself.
A call out is not an automatic condemnation. It’s a request for correction and an admonishment to readers to not let themselves be influenced into emulating corrosive behavior just because you like a public figure. You make think it’s unfair and in a sense it is but people in public life are held to different standards. They can’t have it both ways. They cannot actively cultivate certain images (make yourself a role model) in order to gain a fan base and then complain about being scrutinized when the crowd turns against them or chastises them for not living up to that image they created to make money.
Ask Charles Barclay about being a role model. There was a time when he came under fire for being vocal about not being a role model and then had to backtrack off that statement and accept that it was part and parcel of his ability to make money.
It really is part of the gig.
Debates about whether or not it should be this way are absolutely valid. Personally, I don’t think it should be. Changing things will take a concerted effort on both sides.
Is there a double standard applied towards men being scrutinized? Meh. Female celebrities are scrutinized for their bodies (Britney Spears, Marilyn Monroe, Billie Eilish — check out My Life Is A Little Blurry). Male celebrities are being scrutinized for acting like spoiled entitled douchebags. Not exactly the same scale, is it?
In the end we all view life through the lens of our own bias and experience. I can see how, you being male, would be put off by what you see as a double standard. I, being female, find myself mostly amused by the backlash outrage. Double standard, you say? You’re kidding. No. How could it be allowed? It’s just too dreadful.
There’s a valid question there. You make an accusation of lack of morals in cancel culture, misandry, etc. Why should women care about the uncomfortable place of double standard scrutiny men find themselves in mostly by their own actions when men have collectively shrugged off or actively gaslit the complaints of women balking under the pernicious double standards that have been culturally foisted upon them?
