Bears won't eat your face off. Apparently, that was all hyperbole. As a bear lover, you were just too much of a simp to pick up on it.

No. The bear is going to make fashion assessories of your entrails and smoked kebabs out of your meat chunks. You'll be offered a portion though, because you'll still be alive.

Zero chance of it going either way.

Even though, no one has been raped by a bear on a military base.

The last death, the soldiers wandered into a bear den on a base up in Alaska. Not sure how they missed all the obvious signs of a bear because brown bears mark their territory pretty distinctly. And that sow likely had cubs.