American women probably won’t commit mass spite suicides in the event of the Handmaid’s tale. You’re right.

There’s another element to this phenomenon. Religion.

Places around the world where spite suicides are most effective are areas where there is no strict religious proscription against the act (it’s not counted as a sin) or there is, but conditionally (it may or may not lead to eternal suffering in the fiery pits of hell-God will decide).

Being culturally pinned in by Abrahamic faiths, it’s unlikely enough women would take that route in America to effect change. Christianity in particular tends to venerate suffering and the acceptance and tolerance of suffering as a performance or proof of faith and worthiness. There’s a reason why most women who are successful in changing their mentality as you advocate have left the Christian faith or were never fully a part of it. It also partly explains the renewed interest and return to paganism. The rituals of paganism can go a long way in healing those cultural traumas to the psyche that keep women spinning their wheels in harmful patterns and participating in their own oppression. Still, it’s useful to know about because it provides a certain level of societal and religious perspective in how they influence the individual.

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American women don’t have the sorts of problems that would be solved by spite suicide either and haven’t for a long time. Remember, it’s a last desperate option because of the signal it sends. There has to be no hope, no shelter, no societal sympathy or empathy to your suffering or fear.

There are other options for American women. They’re not forced into marriage. They can choose to not have children or have many fewer. They can have children sans marriage. They can choose to build families with someone of a different culture. They can gain and maintain economic independence. They have access to education. And so forth and so on. What they lack is being able to see the forest through the trees, a map through the forest that details where and how to dismantle all the psychological traps of an oppressive culture that constantly undermines women and tries to strip away autonomy, and an adequately stocked tool belt to do so.

American women are fighting a different sort of phenomenon; one that lacks a solid definition, is an invisible riptide threat to the ability to truly thrive, and historically, socially, and culturally also acts as a constant undertow that churns our efforts to grow, change, and move beyond diminishing perceptions of being a woman and femininity and into a full realization of our potential.

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In regards to racism, some of the same dynamics do apply as you said. I don’t want to judge someone else’s comments either as it’s counterproductive and she didn’t say anything untrue. Besides while there are similarities in the struggle, there are stark differences too. The history around Black Wall Street being one example. Sundown towns, Police abuse of power, redlining, more organized civil violence like the KKK, and so on. Violence that rips through destroying everything in it’s path like a volcano or a tornado.