Actually, I think I have the best model. Single mother with familial support. New research is showing that kids raised in that dynamic seem to be doing better over all. It did not look at single fathers though; if it had, I think it would show a similar dynamic with dedicated fathers. My neighbor's son is a good example. His partner died in childbirth and he had to fight her parents for custody because they weren't married yet. They were engaged. He stepped up, grew up, stopped dating (for a while) and became a dedicated father. His daughter is about to turn 6; I see her when her grandfather (my neighbor) keeps her. Her grandmother also really helps out. The daughter really reminds me of my own at that age. She's emotionally mature for her age cohort, very happy, smart as a whip, gregarious, a right little ray of sunshine. I used to tell mine when she was little that she was shiny. Kids in happy stable homes have that kind of charisma that is attractive to everyone else. It's noticeable. This little girl is shiny too. She's allowed to just be, there's no molding going on to make the perfect little girl (or boy).
I think a working, functioning, non-traditional marriage without forced or coerced conformity is 2nd best. But those are rare. Even if you try to build it that way, it's hard to maintain because society isn't set up for that dynamic to flourish. Yet, modern life makes traditional marriage excruciating and harmful for most women. Death by a thousand cuts and neglects.
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A lot of men tend to say that and a fair amount of women too, just pick better. Problem is, by that parameter, there aren't enough to go around. So, most women end up settling and suffering to have a family. They spend most of their days thanking God for wine and Prozac as part of their daily "gratitude" journey. Lives of quiet desperation indeed. So, no offense, but "just pick better" isnt really an answer or a solution. Personally, I think wed b better off as a society to develop models of partnership for raising a family other than marriage. Frankly, marriage is a corrupt bargain, historically a ceremony of passing ownership. Even so, I'm not suggesting doing sea with it. Lots of people want it. I'm saying offer an alternative with equivalent societal support and acceptance.
And finally, you're welcome. If men have a fatal flaw, it's that they tend to read more into things than what's actually being said because they feel they have to be responsible or lead in all areas of life, even ones where they are ill equipped, unwanted altogether, or nobody put that burden on them. Usually when a woman says, "I hate when men do this!" or "why do men ALWAYS do this?!?", she's talking about the behavior. Not the man.
Hating the generalized headspace of men or how men are 'marketed', is also not the same a hating individual men. I fall into this group. I both hate men (at large) and I grieve for you for what you've lost and what you throw away as men.
