Abusers will emotionally and financially drain you and anyone who tries to help you if you don't disengage from them.

Sometimes, if you can't stop loving someone who's hurting you and/or your children, you have to settle for loving them from afar. For your own safety and well being and that of your children.

Sounds like you need to settle.

Your kids don't have to deal with her, especially the older ones. They have the right to say no and refuse to see her. They're gonna run as long and far as they can as soon as they can anyway to save themselves.

You could look into legally emancipating them, then your wife can't have any claim over them. Contact your local legal aid office and speak with a public attorney about the insurance and outs of emancipation. Ask them if a child can emancipate from one parent but not the other on the grounds of cruelty and/or neglect. Follow up with a restraining order.

Don't sit there and be helpless. Protect those kids.

Your dad didn't get kicked off because he's white. He got kicked off because of some of the things he was saying.